


The Green Car

by BookGirlFan



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookGirlFan/pseuds/BookGirlFan
Summary: Sometimes, the universe has to wait.





	The Green Car

“This is it!” Dirk exclaimed. “This explains everything, absolutely everything!” 

“What?” Todd was surprised into stillness. “It’s a car; how does that explain anything?” 

Dirk held up one finger. “Not just any car! This is a green car. Almost a cactu-u-choo!” 

“Did you just... Did you just sneeze?” 

“I was merely surprised. But thi–“ Dirk was interrupted by another sneeze, then another, with three more following in quick succession. 

On a hunch, Todd put his hand to Dirk’s forehead. “You feel hot. Did you really come out here, while you’re sick, to look for a car?”

“I told you, it’s a green car!” Dirk managed to stand upright again, no longer bowled over by the force of his sneezes. 

“No.” Todd shook his head. “No, we’re not doing this, we’re going home. The universe will just have to wait a few hours.” 

“Your home or my home?” Dirk asked, turning away from the car to look at Todd curiously. 

“Does it really matter when you’ve practically moved in anyway?” Todd muttered, before continuing, “My home. At least then if the universe calls you again, I can come with you.” 

“Alright, but just give me one moment with the car.“ Dirk moved forward, towards the car, then stopped abruptly. “I think something might be wrong.” 

The next second, he was on the ground. 

Todd immediately hit the ground as well, crawling closer to Dirk. He hadn’t heard the gunshot, but that didn’t mean there hadn’t been one, and he did not want to die. 

“Dirk!” He hissed. “Dirk, what happened? Are you safe to move?” 

Dirk didn’t reply. For a moment, Todd worried that the bullet had hit something vital, and was slammed with the realisation that his life would be so much less without Dirk in it. 

“Dirk!” he hissed again, unwilling to accept that this may be fate’s plan after all. “Wake up and tell me what’s going on!” 

Finally, Dirk stirred. “Todd?” he mumbled. “Todd, what’s happening?”

“Where are you hurt?” Now that Dirk was awake, Todd reached out, balancing on one elbow and started running his hand down Dirk’s chest. “I can’t see any blood. Are you bleeding?” 

“Was I hit by something?” Dirk sounded very dazed. Todd switched to patting his head, combing a hand through Dirk’s hair in an attempt to find wherever he had been injured. “I don’t feel hurt.” 

Dirk’s face felt unusually hot under Todd’s probing hand. A thought occurred to him. “Dirk – before you fell down, did you hear anything?” 

“Like a steam whistle, possibly coming from that very green tuck?” 

“Like a gunshot.” 

“No.” Dirk suddenly sat up, twisting to look at Todd. “Is that what happened to me? Was I shot? I can’t have been shot, being shot feels different.” He swayed, putting a hand to his head. “This is...dizzy...”

Todd caught Dirk as he fell, lowering him back down to the ground. “You haven’t been shot – you’re just sick. I knew you were sick, I just didn’t realise you were sick enough to fall over!” 

“Fall over? I fainted?” 

“Yes. You fell so fast I thought you’d been shot.” 

“That’s good news then.” Dirk smiled weakly, waving his hands. “Ta da! Not shot.”

“No, you’re just very sick and feverish.” Todd clambered back to his feet, wiping at the mud that was now all over his clothes. It clung to his hands, staining them black. 

Dirk peered up at him. “I’m sure you’re not that tall, Todd. Aren’t I taller than you?” 

Todd held out a hand to Dirk, and when Dirk grabbed it, heaved him to his feet. “Better?” 

He let go of Dirk’s hand, and Dirk swayed, nearly falling over before catching himself. “Much.” He smiled innocently at Todd. “Now we can investigate the car.” He started toward it, only to nearly fall over again. 

Todd caught him, yet again, and started towing him back in the other direction, Dirk struggling vainly. “No way. You can’t even escape from me, how do you expect to investigate anything?” 

Dirk got in a lucky kick, hitting Todd in the shins and making him double over, releasing his hold. Dirk danced away, out of reach. “The universe wants us to investigate, Todd! It’s con–“

“–connected, I know,” Todd groaned. He slowly straightened up. “It’s all connected.” 

Dirk’s eyes went wide. “It’s all connected! Me being sick must be connected too! There must be something I’m meant to find...or maybe something I sneeze at!” He started wrinkling his nose experimentally, trying to force a sneeze. 

“Or because it’s flu season...and you do things like that.” He gestured down at Dirk, who was currently licking the green truck in an experimental manner. 

Almost immediately, Dirk started swiping at his tongue with his fingers. “No, definitely not a clue. Just dirt, and maybe some cat hair.” He slowly pulled a long hair out from between his teeth. “Does this look like it came from a cat?”

Despite his better judgement, Todd came closer to look at it. His brow furrowed. “That looks more like Amanda’s hair. But she’s off with the Rowdies, it can’t be hers.” Still, he started looking around, as if Amanda would suddenly pop into sight. 

He only stopped his search when a muttered sound from Dirk made him turn around, only to find that Dirk had passed out once again. 

Hurrying back to Dirk’s side, he knelt down beside him, ignoring the damp that slowly started to sink through his pants. He felt Dirk’s forehead, relieved to find it didn’t seem too much hotter than before – still uncomfortably warm, but in his entirely non-professional opinion, not yet dangerously so. 

“That’s it,” he told Dirk’s immobile body. “We are going home, and the truck can wait another day. So can the hair.” Despite his words, he glanced around again, straining for one more glimpse of anything strange or Amanda-related. He didn’t find one. 

He grabbed hold of Dirk’s shoulders and lifted him up, groaning under the weight. Dirk wasn’t that big, but was still taller than him, and right now he was feeling every inch of that height difference. “Alright,” he muttered, jostling Dirk until he was in a somewhat more comfortable position. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Thankfully, they’d only gone a few feet when Dirk woke up again. 

“Good, you’re awake.” Todd stopped, giving Dirk a moment to adjust. “I’m not carrying you all the way back to the car, so stand up.” 

It took a moment, but Dirk managed to stand on his own feet again, even taking most of his own weight. Still, having learnt from previous experience, Todd didn’t leave his side. “Come on,” he said, Dirk’s arm still settled around his shoulders. “We’re going.”


End file.
